Martyrdom Complex - Why Women Find It Hard To Put Themselves First
Martyrdom complex is the belief that one must sacrifice oneself, one's time, and one's resources for others before taking care of oneself. This behaviour stems from a belief that the self is not valuable unless it is being used to serve others.
The martyrdom complex runs deep and can go unnoticed for years. This is often because it’s such an ingrained behaviour pattern that we have no awareness that we may be acting in this way.
It is perpetuated by cultural norms that encourage self-sacrifice for others. For instance, as women, we are taught that our value is in serving others, and there's little emphasis on self-care and self-worth. This way, women learn to prioritise the needs of others over their own. When were you ever taught to look after yourself first? Instead, the feeling of being a servant to everyone but yourself leads to feelings of burnout, overwork, and exhaustion. And resentment.
Ever felt completely unseen in your own home?
You might be unknowingly embodying the martyrdom complex. Do you ever find that the more you feel the weight of your responsibilities weighing on your shoulders, the heavier the sense of guilt you feel when you can;t get everything done?
If you do, it’s really important that you recognise martyr mode and heal it to break the cycle. This is your first step towards embracing self-care and self-worth.
The first step towards healing this wound is acknowledging that it exists and how it influences your life. By identifying the root cause of the wound, you can gain insight into your past and present behaviour and begin to work towards change and healing.
Secondly, it is vital to understand that taking care of yourself is the first step to caring for others in a healthy and sustainable way. Self-care goes beyond taking bubble baths, drinking herbal tea or resting. It involves prioritising your emotional and psychological needs above others and finding things that really work for you.
Finally, giving yourself permission to seek support, whether this be therapy, support groups or mentorship from other women is vital in the process of healing. By gaining outside perspective and learning from others who have walked similar paths, it becomes easier for you to work through the pain, let go of the past, and move towards a more fulfilling life. You deserve this.
10 ways you can identify if they are struggling with the martyrdom complex
1. Always putting other people's needs ahead of your own
2. Feeling guilty or inadequate when you say "no" to someone
3. Constantly taking on more than you can handle
4. Believing that you are only valuable if you are serving others
5. Feeling like you are responsible for everyone's happiness
6. Difficulty asking for help or support from others
7. Constantly seeking validation from others
8. Feeling like a failure or not enough when you can't "fix" someone's problems
9. Neglecting your own self-care and well-being
10. Feeling resentful towards others for not appreciating your efforts or helping you in return.
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